HOLES

There are moments in my life that feel empty. Where I feel a hole in my being––a hole in my heart. They are moments where the ache of loneliness is so overwhelming that I can’t see past the blackness of that empty space. It doesn’t matter how many people I have in my life at the time. I feel completely alone.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but that dark empty part of myself called out to be filled. That part of me prayed for relief from the ache that lived in these holes in my heart. The Universe in her kind compassion answered a prayer I wasn’t even aware I had sent out. This answer came in a box of stones. I had no idea what had come with these stones, but I felt its power and fear rose up within me. Truth is, I was so blind to this blessing that was unfolding, I didn’t even realize I was afraid.

It remained sealed for years!

I set the box aside unopened. So strong was my fear that it remained sealed for YEARS! It remained sealed until just recently when my fears eased just enough for me to hear these stones’ call to me…enough for me to hear their song. The fears eased up enough so that I could recognize them. They eased up enough so that I could even allow myself to know that I was afraid. Once I became aware, I was able to open the box. This box of holey stones felt sacred to me.  They felt holy. Talk about names holding double meanings! After being in their presence for only moments, I was incredulous that I would have such a strong fear of such gentle, loving, beings.

What was I really afraid of

Of course it wasn’t the stones I feared. It was what the stones would reveal about myself that really scared me. I didn’t want to know!. I didn’t want to shake things up. Everything was fine. Why not let sleeping dogs lie. This way I wouldn’t have to deal with the fall out. You see, I didn’t understand yet the blessing that was to come from the song of these stones. They were about to give me a git so profound, I’d be forever changed.

These loving gentle beings in all their wisdom were about to take me into the blackness of the holes I felt inside me and reveal a blessing. These dark spaces which I’d been seeing as emptiness were not missing pieces in my life. They were purposefully sculpted in the pattern of my being. They were not holes, but openings. A magical space which was preparing for a new creation. These special stone beings took me inside these deep spaces and supported me in seeing them as the blessings that they are. They helped me to transform my fear into wonder.

I shall be every grateful ….

Grateful for the silent prayer.

Grateful that the Universe was listening while I was hiding from her.

Grateful for the presence of these wondrous stone beings.

Grateful for the “holes” in my life!

Originally published October 28, 2011